By AJ Rodriguez
Life ain’t fair.
A few are fortunate to have more than enough provisions one will ever need, some will have to contend with the mundaneness of the daily grind, while the vast majority will have to fight it out to survive. A number of us will go through this spectrum in varying degrees in the course of our lives. Yet in the direst of situations, like warriors on the battlefield, most of us will fight, persist, and ultimately, come out victorious in the end.
I would like to share my journey on battling cancer as a first-year law student at San Beda College Alabang – School of Law (SBCA-SOL).
A few days before the start of classes, I noticed a lump in my throat. I had it checked the following day, then my doctor had tests done to find out what it was. On September 1st, my biopsy results came out—it said, ‘high probability for malignancy.’ This meant that I had to undergo surgery and treatment. It was unexpected and harrowing. Here I was, excited for my studies, just having dropped a good sum for my tuition, books, and other supplies, then suddenly, I am faced with a life-altering event
“Here I was, excited for my studies, just having dropped a good sum for my tuition, books, and other supplies, then suddenly, I am faced with a life-altering event.”
A lot of questions suddenly rush through my mind. Why me and why now? Do I need to take a leave of absence? How will I break the news to my family and friends? What are the health implications and side effects? What is the survival rate? Aren’t I too young for this? Will my family be alright? Have I done enough to put my house in order?
Then I stopped getting ahead of myself.
My wife cried for a good hour before deciding to shift her focus altogether— from fear to hope. It made me appreciate more that I picked the right life partner. She helped me realize that we are stronger together and though there may be uncertainty for the future, we always have a choice to remain hopeful and optimistic. We said our prayers and offered them up to God. Our worries can wait, but for now, we heed the advice of the doctors.
I shared the news with our immediate families. I called my spiritual adviser, a Jesuit priest I’ve known for almost two decades. Fr. Ted is a pastoral and family counselor who has dealt with similar situations. The first thing he told me was to take things one step at a time. The healing process begins with the recognition of where I am. He shared that planning is good, but there are times that it can be debilitating if I allow myself to be filled with anxiety and imagine the worst.
“The healing process begins with the recognition of where I am. He shared that planning is good, but there are times that it can be debilitating if I allow myself to be filled with anxiety and imagine the worst.”
He suggested that I learn to embrace the situation with openness and grace. He reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. Lastly, he asked me to pray and offer these worries up to God for nothing is stronger than faith.
I also talked to my best friend who I’ve known my whole life. He was also diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and is currently in remission. He gave me the encouragement that I needed to stave off the creeping fears that I had. He shared practical tips on dealing with the treatment such as what to expect, the possible side effects, what questions to ask the doctors, how to communicate the illness to others, treatment costs, and basically how to continue making the most out of life post-cancer.
Amidst all of these, I continued to attend my classes, did the readings, participated in the recitations and discussions, and even decided to join a couple of extra-curricular activities. I also met with my team at work, explained my situation, and devised ways to support each other while doing the treatments. I lived as normally as I could while I discerned my next steps. I drafted two letters that I plan to share with the Dean’s Office of SBCA-SOL and the Board of Directors at work—one version informs them that I will be stepping back from my daily duties, while another version states that I will proceed as normal but would need to allot some days for treatment sessions.
Incidentally, during my first try at law school at the University of the Philippines in 2011, I contracted a serious strain of dengue fever coupled with acute pneumonia a few weeks after classes started. I was hospitalized for two weeks and bed-ridden for a month. I received blood transfusions due to hemorrhaging and was almost intubated since I struggled to breathe for some time. Fortunately, I survived. Unfortunately, I had to withdraw from school since it was too hard to catch up. A couple of months after, I had the opportunity to help a few startup companies and decided to follow that track instead.
Now, ten years later, I decided to go back to law school with a different perspective, set of circumstances, and motivations. Upon careful discernment, I decided to continue the journey I’ve already committed myself to and figure out ways to responsibly make it work. The online setup for school and work even worked to my advantage since it allowed me to participate even though there were times I was indisposed due to confinement and unable to travel. What I prayed for is to have the strength and courage to continue moving forward. I also asked for the wisdom to understand and accept my capabilities and limitations.
I’m glad that I took the advice of my spiritual adviser of slowing down and taking stock of where I am and what I have. I was able to discern without worrying too much about what the future brings. I was able to appreciate each day that I have and be grateful that I’ve formed relationships that lifted me when my mind went bleak and my heart grew troubled.
The night before my surgery, my wife organized an online healing mass celebrated by Fr. Ted. My friends and family were there. I had the opportunity to express my gratitude for the outpouring of love and support. I’ve always preferred a low-key profile and would often shun away the attention. But at that time, I felt that I am supported by a community that wouldn’t want anything else but my complete healing.
I am still dealing with cancer. I was able to hurdle the first step with the successful surgery. I have to continue with the treatments and deal with short- term and long-term side effects. I am told that things might get worse before it gets better. I am still far off from saying that I am out of the woods, but at this moment, I am at peace. I am determined to continue fighting for all the things I hold dear in my heart.
Life ain’t fair. We will be dealt a bad hand every so often, struck down, and be defeated. The beauty of it is that we are given a tremendous amount of opportunities to stand up, turn it around, and do better.
Life ain’t fair. We will be dealt a bad hand every so often, struck down, and be defeated. The beauty of it is that we are given a tremendous amount of opportunities to stand up, turn it around, and do better
I still consider myself lucky despite the odds. I am blessed with new opportunities each day to grow and be a better man. I believe that this is what gives meaning to life. Yes, it may not be fair, but it certainly is worth the fight.
Anthony John “AJ” Rodriguez is a first-year law student at San Beda College Alabang – School of Law (SBCA-SOL). He is the Managing Director of First MFI Network, a fintech startup doing credit scoring and microloans for MSMEs, daily earners, and farmers. He is also the husband of Vanna, an entrepreneur, and the father of 2-year old Anton and soon-arriving baby Nacho.∎